


Codependent

by foreverinprinxietyhell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Bones, Deep Conversations, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Seeking Help, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, emotional breakdown, supportive boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-21 12:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17043743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinprinxietyhell/pseuds/foreverinprinxietyhell





	Codependent

Despite a light-hearted demeanor that was present for the most part there were deep scars that could not be healed completely; that did not stop Dan from trying to make life worth it after struggling so hard. Their relationship was not built on trying to fix the person left as a result from being mistreated, which was something he tried to remind the older one as often as needed.

Curled closely in a shared recliner was the last memory he had before dozing off unexpectedly, nuzzling further into his boyfriend's side when he suddenly realized that he was alone. Jolting awake, Phil searched the entire flat nearly tearing apart half the rooms while desperately hoping against a daunting sense of denial. 

“C'mon, answer your phone…” Phil begged aloud as tears immediately started to well in dark lashes, thinking the worst as several text messages sent were unread, “P-Please…”

A watched pot never boiled but that dud not stop the raven-haired Brit to continuously stare at the screen until it faded to black, waking it up upon receiving notifications that in any other instance ould at least slightly interest him. Dismissing them with angry swipes of a thumb, lanky legs were pulled up to a narrow chest as soft sobs shook his frame growing sore with every shaky breath forcibly taken. Why must he be cursed to live in a reoccurring nightmare where he was simply cast aside for no reason? What if his partner never came back? What if-

An opening door took power away.from intrusive thoughts if only for a little while, trying to dismiss sniffles so the newcomer did not worry too much. Bracing for the backlash he would inevitably receive for overreacting, red-rimmed pupils peered timidly upward as soft footsteps padded upstairs, holding in a burning inhale.

“Phil, love??” the other called out as he stepped over the threshold of the shared bedroom, “Hey, what's wrong?”

Involuntarily flinching at how close the noise was Phillip nearly lashed out, collapsing into outstretched arms that never failed to catch him. Whimpering out as a gentle squeeze accompanied the embrace, “I… thought you went away.”

“For a time I did. Told you I had errands to run, remember?”

“Guess not… S-Sorry, I shouldn't be so dependent.”

“I'm dependent on you too, Philly,” he mused as short-kept nails combed through a tuft of hair at the name of a bent neck, “I'm here now, 'kay?”

“You'll leave again and it'll be for good.”

“You know that's not true… Look, I've never wanted to press you for details, but you're gonna have to tell me _something_ so I can help.”

Downcast, half-lidded eyes looked anywhere else as the two untangled and moved to a pile of pillows that dominated the king sized mattress. Not wanting to relive the details in full for fear of a harsher relapse, yet Daniel did prove a point that someone else needed to know if he wanted to fully move on, trembling fingers accepting an offered tissue and blowing his nose, “You won't judge me, right?”

“‘Course not. Accepting space only.”

“Well… U didn't officially come out of the closet at an, but I was starting to be more open.”

“I'm proud of you for that.”

“There was this really cute guy in an English course I had and we secretly started dating,” Phil explained in a hurried tone remembering the younger one knew that much already, “I was young and in love, but it was far from a happily ever after. At first, it didn’t seem concerning, but he acted differently all of a sudden…”

“How do you mean?”

“Started blaming me for the smallest things, like if I didn't get home after class fast enough even if it was the professor's fault for making me late. He’d leave me alone for days without messaging me then come back as if nothing happened.”

“That explains why you were such a mess,” Dan stated simply, “Should've double checked my phone was charging last night…”

“Not your fault, you had no clue.”

“Did he hit you?”

“... That's the real reason my nose got broken.”

“Shit… Please tell me that's e worst of it.”

“I wish.”

“He didn't…?”

“Forced himself on me multiple times from rough kisses to blow jobs. He didn’t fully take advantage until I tried ending our relationship by… By trying to take my own life.”

“Phil…”

“Every attempt only got me more punishment, but I-I wanted so badly to die, wanted so badly for it to be over.”

“What happened that finally got him to go away?”

“Martyn came over unannounced to drop off a jacket I left at home. I can only imagine it was hell for him,” he tried to say in a joking manner that only brought a fresh wave of teardrops to trickle down an already stained cheek, “I dunno how he managed to keep calm, yet he pulled us apart before that temper of his showed through.”

“I'm so sorry, baby boy, if only I had known sooner. I get it though, please don't think I'm putting any blame on you, I-”

“Didn't take it that way “

“Thank God…”

“It’s silly, it’s been seven years since then and I still have these fuckin’ nervous breakdowns.”

“You’re still learning to cope,” Daniel reasoned reassuringly, foreheads resting together since no other form of physical contact seemed appropriate unless otherwise stated, “It’s not silly, okay? You have every right to still feel haunted by that asshole.”

“If you hadn't moved in this place would've done me in. This is where most of it went on.”

“Why'd you stay here?”

“To die, finally,” he responded after a momentary pause, “...Tied a noose in my wardrobe “

“Fuck's sake, love.”

“It's gone now.”

“Not the desire though! You're talking to the king of self-deprecating humour to keep my own dark thoughts from taking over, I know how tempting that can be. You might need a professional”

“Danny, I-I could barely tell you, what makes you think I'm ready for that?!”

“'Cos I believe in you, one. And I'm not gonna let you suffer in silence anymore.”

“Didn’t think I deserved to be saved. Sometimes I still think I deserve these wounds.”

“You don’t!” the younger one exclaimed suddenly, catching them both off guard as an apologetic look was offered for the uncontrollable outburst, “You deserve so much better, love.”

“Do I?”

“Are you kidding?! You're such a gentle soul even after all this bullshit and yeah, life's not fair but you deserve so much better. That's why we're moving asap, you need a fresh start.”

“What 'bout in the meantime while we look for a new flat?”

“Adrian just moved out, I'll ask mum if it's okay for us to stay for a bit.”

“You think she'd let us?”

“When she hears that our place needs renovation, hell yes.” he answered with a wink that settled a sensitive soul a little knowing that the conversation would stay confidential.

“I'm forever I your debt… I don't suppose there's anything I can do to repay you?”

“One thing… Promise me that no matter how hard it gets you'll never leave.”

Giving a single, firm nod of confirmation topazes were stared into with a fierce fondness that cemented the agreement in place. You can dream that it went a different way, but ignoring events was not dealing with them and being able to confront those phantoms from.the past with someone else did hardest chapter of his life finally coming to a close I some sort of closure not yet quite completed.


End file.
